She cut the tie on facebook so I can no longer see her status. Instead I log on to a friends and see her profile there. She's so beautiful in everyway.

Recently updated profile pictures; she'sso cute and wonderful. She has a new dress on and her hair is done up. It hurts because I know that she would have done those things for me.

I see her in pictures with other guys and I know taht she has someone new in her life. The guy strangely, kind of looks like me...Ultimately, if he treats her well then I should be happy for her. And really, thankful that thsi new person came in to give her what I could not.

How can you do that though - How can you feel happy when she's with someone else, when every time you see her smiling you wish it was you right next to her.

I wish I could make her laugh again. I wish I could be the one to make her feel safe and loved. But I know after everything I did these wounds are too deep to ever be repaired. The moments where we both believed it could work would be fleeting as the onset of the past memories would be too strong.

Deep down I miss her so much....but honestly, do i really love her the way to go after her? Is it deep enough to go to the depths to be with her again?

I don't think so...and so I must let go...and be happy she's with someone else.

Alex - you "exceed expectations"

That's what the last page of the evaluation said. I received a 2/5, an "Exceeds expectations" marking for my last 6 months on the desk.

Ecstatic? Completely. It has validated every little feeling of angst i've felt each day on the job. Everytime I was yelled at for fucking up a small detail on a trade to forgetting to order onions for someone's soup, this has made up for it; a million times over.

I've been hit by head hunters recently as well. People looking to poach me to explore other opportunities. It's gratifying and extremely honoring, but I can't leave. Not so soon.

The past few weeks have been good. I miss my family a lot. My parents and brother are in Taiwan. THey left little over a week ago to specifically participate in the elections to support the KMT. I'm glad their party won. I know my mother would be extremely sad if things did not transpire the way she wanted them to. At her age, it's tough to see her dissapointed at things in life. I wish i could take all of her stresses away. I wish she could retire and just enjoy her life knowing she had two children both independent and thankfully not needing their parents financial coddling.

I miss my brother too.

Girls

I've had the hardest time getting any the past couple months.

I finally ended nearly a 4 month dry spell of no kissing, hugs, ANYTHING, last friday when I met up with d from school. Even that night all we did was fool around a bit and just made out.

I don't really know what's behind this lack of booty. I'm single, making good $ and I'm in NY. My homies blame it on the fact I live in queens. It's true, it's a real conversation killer with girls at clubs, but at the same time, i've never brought it up more than 2 or three times ever since living there. So it cant be the entire problem.

I just get bored. I lose interest in the chase. There have been so many times when i'll walk up to a girl (and this is of course after TONS and TONS of coaxing from friends to make the move in the first place) start a conversation then just walk away 1 to 2 minutes later bcz she's not immediately on my cock. I hate the chase.

It's too much work I think....i think i've lost a lot of confidence in myself as well. Part of it is also because i'm still not over L.

I'd do anything to turn back my game, but it seems to have dried out. My best semester was first semester senior year, right before I graduated. WOW - that was THE BEST TIME FOR GETTING BOOTY.

I was hooking up with multiple girls every week; it was amazing.

ugh...i need something to switch on. I'm starting to tell my friends there is a direct -1 coorelation between watching porn and getting laid with me.